I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
