first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
