I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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