Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
