he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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