Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize