So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
