Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
