Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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