we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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