she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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