I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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