He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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