What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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