i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
