Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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