Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
