So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As shirtless as possible
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
