I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
