Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
