so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
did you just send me my own nude
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
