would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
