It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
