do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
