So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
