so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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