I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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