I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize