Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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