I think I won the penis lottery.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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