barbara walters just said penis...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
