I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
