"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
