I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
