my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
