"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
