Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
