he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
