Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
