I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
