I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
