dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
