Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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