i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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