what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
