It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
