fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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