is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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