so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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