Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
