I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
