I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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