Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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