I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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