she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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