Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
