Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize