ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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