i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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