she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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