I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Are we still banned from the library?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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