Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
