Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize