My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
