I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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