mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
