I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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