I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We left an ass print on the piano.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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