if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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