I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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