so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
