Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
