my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
