Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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