My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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